Part 16: Enemy Within!

Mission 16: Enemy Within!



RIGHT! We have another downed UFO. It’s small, so it should be easy to clear, and in the interests of fairness, we’re taking along some of our under-experienced men, like Zhang, Zinchenko and…fuck me, the guy who thinks he’s Hulk Hogan.
You think you can handle XCOM, you insidious alien invaders?! Mutons! Outsiders! Thin Men! Sectoids! Seekers! Whatchagonna do when Mimi Bar-Lev, Cammy Watkins, Pixie Leroy, “Hornless Dragon” Zhang, No-Scope Zinchenko and Hulkamania run wild on YOU!?
(Pretty sure he’s faking mental illness to get out of service…)



A farm, huh?



No problem! I’m a trained suburban commando! They can’t handle these 24-inch pythons!
Pfft. I used to have pythons, they were a lot less useful in combat than you’d think. It’s having legs that wins wars.
No, it’s having grenades!



Okay, I’ll sneak around the buildings, with my new sensory powers I should be able to sense anyone hiding around the corners!



Aaaah! Yup, yup, definitely SOMETHING inside this barn.
You sure it’s not cattle? Or the farmers who live here?
This doesn’t feel like cows. Or goats. Or chickens.
Would you even know what those felt like? You haven’t had a chance to test it on livestock.
Look, it’s a pair of aliens, I guarantee it! Stack up on the doors!



Sectoids!
I told you!





Well, let’s see how hard this gun hits!



…pretty hard, it seems!



Alright, Zinchenko, you’re up. Test out that laser pistol!
Hmmm, not a very good angle. Guess that means it’s time for a grenade!
Oh, come ON!



Frag out!
WHY DO YOU NEVER SHOOT YOUR GUNS!?



Hahahahahahaha! My no-scope streak continues!
We needed to field-test the alien grenade anyway…



Spotted the other goo container—hey, that’s where the saucer crashed.
Pancake. Yeah. Okay. The leader will probably still be camped out inside it, and there’s at least one more squad roaming around out here. Be careful.





Aaah, hell, that’s where he is! My cover’s bad, popping smoke!



I’m right behind it Taking it out!



!!! !!! !!!
What’s Vahlen trying to say?
Something about “stop blowing up the ship,” I stopped caring after the third time so I’ve got her on mute.





Alien soldiers behind me! SHIT! I’m outta here!
They don’t look so tough. If I could handle Andre the Giant I can take these guys.
Do NOT try to wrestle them while they have guns!



Bah, these laser pistols are crap! I only gave it a goddamn suntan! I need more grenades!

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE BASE!


Commander, the prisoner we picked up in France…he’s dead! Someone murdered him!
What?!


BACK AT THE ACTION…



Aiiiie, those guns HURT!
Suck it up, squad leader! I’m over 60 and I’m still going strong!
Fuck you, I think I lost part of a finger.
I am finishing off the far alien.



Great job, Zhang! My turn!



Capturing him so we get more copies of their weapons!



Yessss! Hey, my pinkie’s growing back! Thank goodness…



Pretty good job, everyone… Zinchenko, sooner or later you’re going to have to kill someone using your GUN.
That’s a matter of opinion, friend.
And next time, Hogan, maybe you should try actually fighting the aliens if you want to get a pay upgrade. …Hogan? Where are you?
Heh. Thank you for the laser gun. We’ll learn a lot from it.
Where the hell are you? Hogan? Hogan?!
Not my real name. Goodbye, XCOM.



We don’t know where the hell he went, Commander! He stripped off his uniform with the tracking device on it and ran off somewhere.
It’s worse than that, Watkins. Much worse. The mystery guy we captured a few weeks ago? He’s dead. Someone inside XCOM poisoned him, and we found a note hidden in our runaway’s locker.
I was trying to tell them but somebody put me on mute!
…erk.



By now, you’ve found my brother and what I’ve done to him. You should know that I’m taking the opportunity to sabotage the downed alien craft when we find it, so you learn as little about it as possible. You XCOM are such fools, so much so that all I needed to do to win you over was to pretend to be an even bigger fool. The time for pretending will soon be over. Goodbye. If we ever meet again, you won’t even recognize me.



Fuck, fuck FUUUUCK! This is what I get for not probing the recruits more deeply.
I knew he was faking his delusion, but I didn’t realize that he had an ulterior motive beyond that. I was expecting Corporal Klinger, not a double agent.
…shit. Um…Commander…I need to speak to you and Leroy in your private office…

To be Continued!